When Marriage Isn't What You Expected - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - January 13

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When Marriage Isn't What You Expected

By: Vivian Bricker

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 62:5-6)

Right before a person gets married, they are normally jittery and excited. They have been waiting for their wedding day for a very long time. For many men and women, they have been waiting their entire lives. If a person grew up in the church, it is likely that they were taught from a young age that marriage is some sort of end goal for Christians. While this does not align with the Bible, many people were taught this false belief during childhood and continue to believe it to this day.

My mother was one of these people. She believed marriage was what would make a person happy. In her mind, if a person wasn't married, they would never be happy. My mom continued to hold on to this view throughout her life, even though her marriage was far from happy. I'm not sure why she continued to believe this lie despite seeing proof in her own life, but this is the same thing many Christians do across the globe.

Marriage is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a beautiful covenant that God has created (Genesis 2:24). However, problems arise when we view marriage as our ultimate source of happiness. Marriage can provide happiness, but it will not always be roses, romance, and bliss. There will be days of arguments, discord, and disagreements.

It is best to know this ahead of time, yet many people are getting married without truly thinking God’s covenant through. Marriage is not easy; it requires a lot of work. Whether you have been married to your spouse for a few months or a few decades, you are aware of their faults and flaws, and they are aware of your own. In this way, marriage is very vulnerable because your spouse most likely knows everything about you.

If you have recently gotten married and your marriage is not what you expected it to be, know that perhaps you had a false view of what marriage actually entails. You are not marrying a sinless, perfect human being. Instead, you are marrying a human being, who sins and falls short of the glory of God, just like yourself (Romans 3:23). Your spouse isn't your saving grace or the person who will save you from all hard times in the future.

Rather, with your spouse, you will navigate hard times. Yes, it will be hard, but it will be worth it. Marriage is a learning opportunity and a chance for growth. If done correctly, you and your spouse will grow in your marriage and be able to work through any problem with the help of God. However, you cannot expect your marriage to be perfect because it never will.

You can continue to work on the marriage, but there will still be difficult days. This is because we are living in a fallen world. Sometimes, our spouse will say something that hurts us, or we might say something that hurts them. When this happens, we need to find comfort in God and try to work through the problem together.

The Bible tells us, “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken” (Psalm 62:5-6). As this Psalm tells us, we can find rest in God as our hope is found in Him. He is our rock, salvation, and fortress. By placing faith and having hope in Him, we will never be shaken.

Whenever marriage isn’t what we expected, we can lean on God. It is a tragedy to have a false view of marriage, but you cannot change your expectations now. Try to remember that your spouse loves you, despite the conflicts and problems you will face in life. The love that you have for God and your spouse will help your marriage survive even the toughest of days.

You can also be a source of knowledge to other Christians as you can share a realistic view of marriage. Yes, marriage is a wonderful thing, but it is not the ultimate source of happiness, hope, or love. Jesus is our ultimate source of happiness, hope, and love. Keep on trusting in the Lord and know that your soul can find rest in Him when marriage becomes much different than what you thought. Jesus will help you and your spouse navigate this journey and draw closer to Him in the process.

Prayer:

“Dear Jesus, after I got married, I discovered that marriage isn’t what I expected. I thought marriage would be perfect and that my spouse would fulfill all my needs. I’m sorry that I placed marriage above You by thinking like this. Please forgive me and help me to educate others on a realistic view of marriage. Help my spouse and me navigate our problems through Your Word. In Your Name, I pray, Amen.”

Vivian Bricker obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry, followed by a Master of Arts with an emphasis in theology. She loves all things theology, mission work, and helping others learn about Jesus. Find more of her content at Cultivate: https://cultivatechristianity.wordpress.com/. 

Related Resource: The Death of Entitlement: Developing the Marriage You Were Reborn to Live with Gary Thomas

In today’s episode, bestselling author, speaker, and pastor, Gary Thomas, offers a transformative look at marriage through the lens of spiritual growth and Christ-like character. This episode challenges couples to move beyond comfort and entitlement toward sacrificial love, responsibility, and maturity. Gary explores how entitlement can sabotage intimacy, why spiritual formation is crucial to a thriving marriage, and how couples can cultivate habits that foster emotional connection and mutual respect. He shares practical insights on humility, conflict, and holiness that help relationships grow toward the marriage God designed, not the one culture conditions us to expect. If you like what you hear, be sure to follow The Built Different Podcast on Apple, Spotify or YouTube, so you never miss an episode!