The Things I Used to Cry About Became My Victory Stories

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There have been seasons when I hid the hardest parts of my life. I cried over them in private. I carried shame no one else could see.

I was sure that if people really knew my story, they would hate me. After all, some of the things I had done were the very things pastors preached against. And so I hid my shame and pain. I cried about those things when no one was looking.

I Cried Because of Shame and Regret

As a teenager, I became pregnant twice. First, I was so embarrassed to be pregnant at fifteen that I chose abortion. I was told at a Planned Parenthood clinic that it was just scraping away a few cells. I wanted to get out of my situation so bad that I chose to believe it. I was crushed not long after to know that my baby had a heartbeat. At fifteen, I’d trusted what the adults in the situation had told me, yet no one told me about the emotional pain I’d experience.

A few years later, I got pregnant again. This often happens because young women want to “redeem” their past decision, even if it’s not a conscious thought. My son was an amazing gift, but the shame remained for many years until I attended a Bible Study for post-abortive women.

Sitting in that Bible Study and realizing that God forgave ALL my sins brought such freedom. It was also in that Bible Study that I chose to forgive myself.

Walking in freedom changed me, and I soon helped to start Hope Pregnancy Center with our pastor, Daniel Lambert, and my friends, Kathy and Twyla.

Hope Pregnancy Center in Kalispell, Montana

Twenty-seven years later, this center is thriving! What a victory. I used to cry about my choice, and I still regret it. Yet when I lifted my shame up to Jesus, He revealed that my freedom could help others. Lives of babies have been saved. Lives of parents have been transformed. That hard season has led to years of faithful ministry. My tears are now tears of joy.

If you have a few minutes, here’s a short glimpse of this story:

Give to Hope Pregnancy Ministries

I Cried Because of Shame and Frustration

There have been other seasons of tears in my life. For most of my adult life, I struggled with my weight. I tried diet after diet. I would lose weight, gain it back, and wonder if I would ever be free.

The tears often came in the quiet, hidden moments. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at a closet full of clothes that no longer fit, feeling the heavy weight of defeat. The shame was a heavy cloak. It whispered that I was failing at a fundamental level. I poured immense amounts of energy into nurturing my large family, writing books, and managing the daily chaos of life. Yet, when it came to my own health, I felt entirely stuck in a frustrating loop of starting over.

The victory did not arrive overnight in a flash of unreachable transformation. The victory I so desperately longed for started with a deep breath, a surrender of guilt, reaching out to a friend who offered free health coaching, and a commitment to small, intentional choices.

God sees us in those quiet moments of deep frustration.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, NIV). 

When I handed over my shame and stopped demanding an impossible standard of myself, the actual healing began.

You do not have to carry the heavy burden of shame today. If you are sitting in a season of tears and frustration, please know you are entirely seen and deeply loved. Lasting freedom is possible when we replace guilt with grace and take the journey one gentle step at a time.

Just like my friend Amber did for me, I’m reaching out a hand to you. My health coaching is free. The only cost is the food you’ll need to reach your health goal (and friend, you have to buy food anyway). The coaching continues for free as you reach transition and beyond. I’m still connecting with those who lost their weight years ago, because maintaining is as important as losing.

If you’d like to chat with me (by phone, Zoom, or text) about my free health coaching, reach out.

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I Cried Because of Dashed Hopes and Rejection

I collected rejection letters as I tried to become a published author. I failed more times than I can count.

Each rejection letter felt like a heavy, closed door. I poured my heart into stories and proposals, only to receive nos. The sting of those literary rejections compounded the inadequacy I felt in other areas.

Yet, failure is never the end of the story. God uses our stumbling steps to carve a path of total dependence on Him.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans” (Proverbs 16:3, NIV).

When we surrender our mistakes, our rejected manuscripts, and our weary hearts to God, He meets us with boundless grace. He does not demand a flawless performance. He simply asks for a willing spirit.

With the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit, I learn how to keep moving forward when the words refuse to flow, and the obstacles seem entirely insurmountable.

Everything changed when I did two things:

1. I committed to a daily writing habit not dependent on the results.

I just wrote what God put on my heart, letting the words flow on the page and not letting my doubts, fears, worries about rejection, or my inner critic stop me.

2. I connected with writer friends for accountability and support.

If you are feeling stuck in your writing journey, I invite you to step away from the daily demands and join me for a time of focused renewal. From October 22 to October 25, I am co-hosting a special four-day writing and wellness retreat, The Finish Line Intensive, with my dear friend and collaborator, Amber Lia. We are gathering at my home in Benton, Arkansas, to help you start, sustain, or finally finish that book God has placed on your heart.

We will spend our days focusing on practical writing strategies, spiritual encouragement, and finding the stamina to reach the end of your manuscript. You do not have to walk this writing road alone. You can find all the details and reserve your spot now.

Do you have a story burning in your heart but struggle to find the focused time to write it? More details below.

Join us at The Finish Line Intensive

My Victory Stories Came from Taking One Step, Then Another

For a long time, these were the stories that made me cry. But God… Those two words changed everything.

Jesus met me in my brokenness, not after I had cleaned myself up, but right in the middle of my mess. He forgave me. He healed me. He patiently transformed me. He kept reminding me that my identity wasn’t found in what I had done. It was found in what He had done for me in His victory on the cross.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” — 2 Corinthians 5:17

Jesus then called me, in each of these areas, to serve others. Today, the things that once brought me the deepest shame have become the stories I share most often. They are also places where I reach back out to care for those who are where I once was.

• I tell women about my abortion because I want them to know there is no sin greater than the grace of God.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” — 1 John 1:9

• I talk about being a teen mom because one unexpected chapter doesn’t determine the rest of your story.
• I share my story of losing 90 pounds because I want people to know that change and victory is possible, even after years of believing it isn’t.
• I tell aspiring writers about the rejection so they keep going when they feel like giving up.

None of those stories point to how strong I am. Every one of them points to how faithful God is.

I’ve discovered that the places where Satan whispered, “Hide,” are the very places where God now says, “Share.” Not because I enjoy talking about my failures, but because every time I do, someone reaches out and says, “Me too.”

Me too. These two words remind me why our testimonies matter.

“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” — Revelation 12:11

The things I used to hide are now helping other men and women step into the light. The things I used to cry about have become my victory stories. Not because they weren’t painful. Not because they weren’t sinful. Not because I’ve forgotten them. But because Jesus redeemed them.

I love what Joseph told his brothers after years of betrayal:

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” — Genesis 50:20

God didn’t cause my sin, my failures, or my heartbreak. But in His incredible mercy, He redeemed them. He took what the enemy meant for destruction and used it for His victory—to point people to His grace. If you’re carrying something today that fills you with shame, please hear this:

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1

Your worst moment is not the end of your story. God is still writing. He is still healing. He is still redeeming.

One day, you may look back and realize that the very thing you begged God to erase became the testimony He used to bring hope to someone else. That’s what He does. God takes ashes and creates beauty. He takes brokenness and brings restoration. He takes shame and clothes us with grace.

“To all who mourn... He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.” — Isaiah 61:3

That is the God I serve. The victory and all the glory belongs to Him. Now my question for you: how can I serve you today? In which of these areas would you love to have my help?

The Finish Line Intensive

A Dedicated Writer’s Retreat to Start, Sustain, or Finish Your Book

As an author who has navigated the publishing journey for over a hundred books, I know firsthand how challenging it is to complete a manuscript alone. That is why I am so thrilled to invite you to join me for a transformative weekend.

Whether you need to outline a new idea, build momentum, or type those final words, this intensive is designed to provide exactly what you need to succeed.

What You Can Expect:

• Dedicated Writing Time… Together: We sit together and write. Together we’ll make substantial, focused progress on your chapters.
• A Supportive Environment: Write in a welcoming space filled with encouragement and a sense of shared goals.
• Constructive Feedback: Receive insightful critiques to strengthen your narrative and elevate your unique voice.
• Research-Oriented Conversations: Engage in deep discussions to bring authenticity and rich detail to your work.

Every attendee will receive a comprehensive workbook to guide their creative process step by step.

You will also gain access to an exclusive online community where our close-knit group of writers can continue to build their skills together. We will keep supporting each other and growing our craft through the rest of 2026 and all of 2027.

God has given you a message to share, and it is time to get to work. Let us get your story out of your head and into your readers’ hands.

Apply for the Finish Line Intensive

October 22-25, Benton, Arkansas. Limited to 24 spots.